Must Read: Confessions of a Funaab Yahoo Boy - Season 1 - Episode 5

Episode 7 years ago

Must Read: Confessions of a Funaab Yahoo Boy - Season 1 - Episode 5

Well the exam finished and I arranged my things to go home. I still had the N3000 john gave to me. My two guys said they were not going that week but the next. Them wan carry girls from FCE osiele and Mapoly come the house. They asked me to wait but I told them I wasn’t. But uchenna said if I can wait till Sunday, he would give me N5000. “Uchenna had no problem with money. His uncle sends him money regularly and his mapoly yahoo Uchenna sends do, because he normally hooks them up with Fce osiele girls. Sometimes his uncle sends him N20k weekly. So he could afford to just give me N5000.” Na so I think about wetin Uchenna talk. At least I fit still throw in the money for folarin investment if I waited till Sunday. And I waited.

The Friday we finished exam, Uchenna made calls to 3 girls in Fce osiele. He told them to come keep us company. Na so the girls land oo.

Every guy with their own except me that was doing like a goat. The girl they asked to keep me company was chatting me up. I was just smiling sheepishly. Na so Abisoko sent me a text that read, “See guy, no let our money waste oo. If u no enter dat girl, I will break ur head.” The guys in their various rooms had spent well over an hour. But me and my own girl still dey chat. It was even boring. I guessed she was expecting me to make the final move but I was doing like okro soup. Before I knew what was happening, she pulled her clothes. “come oboy, shey na talk I come talk for here? Abi u no fit do woman?” she screamed at me. And we were in the parlour. Na so my guys open the door of their rooms wan come know wetin dey happen.

It seemed they already knew. Na so my two guys carry me go wan corner, and already I don already get erection. “They were even laughing at me and saying I was pretending to be holy. Make I do the thing jare”. Shame nearly kill me ooo. Na so I finally do am, and that was my first time. No protection, I never even know wetin dem dey call “protect yourself.” And I enjoyed it.

The next day, Mapoly girls came we enjoyed ourselves. I really was enjoying the life. On Sunday, Uchenna gave me N6000. On Monday, na so I run go camp go meet them Folarin and his investment team at their office. “The Air condition wey even welcome me, I felt it was welcoming me to a millionaire paradise.

Environment of the rich. Big boy loading….” I was thinking of even calling my mom to tell her that soon, her only son would soon hammer.

I placed N5000 on their “small package” plan. They said I shouldn’t bother myself.

I should just go and relax. That in one month time, I would be surprised of what my account would be saying. I placed the plan on 3 months.

So after three months I would withdraw the money and profit. I met bayo also at the place.

He told me that I can equally purchase e-gold from them, then I can also put in my money in some other online investment trading platforms. I just felt this people love me. Na so I bring out N1,500 take buy $10 in e-gold.

I registered for e-gold account and my $10 was transferred to me. They showed me some sites that I could invest the money in. Na so I register for one of the site oo. Transfer the $10.

According to the website, “you put your money, they trade for you.” Each day, they would be paying you profits but if they lose in the forex market, the investor loses too. “But they said they were professional traders and there was no chance of losing. Also, they are from Cyprus and headquartered in same country.” Na so I put my money. “At least, it’s easy for me to monitor my earnings from my mobile phone online,” I thought.

I got back home and borrowed N1000 from Abisoko for my transport back to Ilorin.

The next day which was Tuesday, I left Abeokuta for Ilorin. I got home, mom was looking very slim and unkept. She said she had been having leg pains. At that moment I wished I had money to take her to the hospital for better treatment.

But I told her not to worry, that something was up. “When my money go come. I will even take her abroad for treatment.” I said as She smiled.

It was a three week break after the first semester examination. I really worked to save little money. But I spent extra one week before resumption. I had to complete one month of work at the former place I worked in Ilorin. So I could collect my full one month salary of N10,000. At the same time, I was monitoring my online forex investment. It was really going up.

My money was increasing but at a slow pace which I didn’t like. I wanted it big. After 2 weeks, the first $10 dollar I invested gave me extra $5. I had to reinvest the $15. After another two weeks, I was having $22. I reinvested it again. Though it was small. Folarin had earlier told me that I would benefit immensely if I invest with huge amount of money.

After the break, Abisoko and Uchenna had been calling me to return. It seem they had given us assignment and they were waiting for me to come and help out. I tell them say na money hold me. Say I wan still hustle. Uchenna say make I no worry. That I should just come back as soon as possible. Say dem go support me.

I finally entered the road 2 weeks after resumption for the second semester. I met another Funaabite in Ibadan park going to Abeokuta. We entered the same car. We chatted very well. She said her name was funke and she was in Nutrition and Deities (NUD) department, 100 level. She looked cool and calm with a large upper lip that look like kpomo. “Though I saw her as someone who would be religious.” She said she went for a program in Ibadan and was returning to Abeokuta. When we got to Camp, we got down and exchanged mobile numbers while I entered a taxi and left for Gate.

I got home. Na so my guys dey hail me ooo. The next day was a Monday. And I came to Abeokuta with just N5000. Out of the N10,000 I was paid at my work place, I gave my mom N5000 to take care of herself. My Oga dashed me N2000 which i used for my transportation and the left over N5000 as pocket money.

I resumed school the next day. But part of why I resumed was to visit folarin in camp to know how my investment was doing. When I got to camp at the investment office, I was full of smiles as I walked in like a millionaire. On my mind, “Gbadebo you go soon hammer.” I met bayo there and he was hailing me with other people that came to check their investments too. I and bayo exchanged pleasantries. I asked after the big boss, Folarin.

He said Folarin went to Lagos state house of Assembly under the speakers invitation to teach the legislators how to trade forex. ‘As I hear that one eeehhh,’ I come dey think, “see connection. Folarin don go international.” After about 30 minutes of waiting, one of their female staff came out and told us that their server was no longer connecting. They apologized and told us to come back the next month for that month’s account review. I was a little pained but bayo encouraged and said that we shouldn’t worry.

He saw the look on my face when he met me privately. He told me that I shouldn’t worry that he even saw my account the previous day. And my money had risen to N101,045. “Chaiiii, as I hear this one eehh, na so my face change.

Thunder fire poverty. Gbadebo, you are about to become wealthy person.” From N5000 to N101,045 just in over a month. I was happy and left there back home. I hoped to reinvest the money i collect.

This particular Saturday, I called funke, the girl I met the day I was coming back to Abeokuta. We talked for about 2 minutes on the phone. And I invited her to our house the next day. After dropping the call, Abisoko was impressed with the way I talked. He said I was really improving in communication skill with women. “Unlike before that I was very dull and behaving like okra soup.

The next way which was a Sunday, funke came to the house and my guys were around. He spent quite a long time. He seemed to enjoy our company and the jokes we cracked. From there I began loving her. When she left, my guys began teasing her that she has kpomo lips. That was how they started calling her “Funke kpomo lips.” Though not when she was around but in her absence. They even use it to tease me. That I love girls that have Kpomo lips.

As days went on, funke began frequenting my house. We became closer each moment we spent together. I even asked her out but she said I should hold on and give her some time.

She said we should take things slowly as freinds. She refused given me an answer.

This particular Thursday, funke was in my house when my mom called that she was bitten by a deadly snake and she was terribly ill. I had to borrow money from my guys and went straight to Ilorin the next day. When I got to Ilorin, some neighbors had already taken my mom to the Hospital for treatment. “I really love my mom and don’t want anything bad happening to her.” During the course of my visit, I had planned on going back to school the next Friday.

On Monday, bayo from folarin investment called me. He asked how my online investment was doing and I told his it was doing well and infact I had a little above $100 in my account. He said that the prices of e-gold exchange rate had fallen drastically and he wanted me to be one of those that will make a big hit from it. He narrated how warren buffet made his wealth from all those opportunities. I was enjoying what he was saying but I didn’t know how it related to me. He finally said that N50 was now equivalent to $1 in e-gold exchange market and that is what they are selling. He encouraged me to buy so I could reinvest into my online investment market. As I hear that one ehh, na so I happy. And I heard that the prices fluctuates. It may be N50 for $1 and the next minute it would be N100. I told bayo that I wasn’t in town and would be coming back that weekend. And hat when I return, I will come to their office to buy.

Na so this people, bayo begin bombard me with calls ooo almost every 3 hours forcing me to come and buy e-gold. That it would soon turn to N100.

Why are this people just bombarding me with calls like this? Is there anything fishy ? Or … because the pressure was unassuming … I guess they…..
****