My happiness and joy now turned to a switch that Felix controlled and he turned it on when ever he was around which was at night, because he was a banker who stayed with his family; who came back late in the night and didn’t want people to see us together; he turn that switch on at night and only at night, I was almost miserable during the day but I was happy with where were , although I know that he would travel out soon, I wanted to make the most of what ever time we have.
We had been on this for a two months or so now; The s*x was great and the thoughts we had about our selves were great also, I loved him and I’m so sure he loved me too because he said it to me and because he calls me. I decided to not to go to my usual place to sit, I felt like there were loads of other places I could be so I wouldn’t look like I was stalking him or I was obsessed with his love because truly, I was and I wanted to keep that in check.
We stayed in an estate that had a football field and a basketball field and in the evening, so after I was done doing my assignments, I strolled there hoping to make new friends.
When I got there, it felt a bit weird because everyone there had a flame between their fingers, I was the odd one there; everyone there just stared at me and It made me feel uncomfortable but I didn’t turn back and I didn’t show it on my face, so I didn’t bother to look their way, I just did what I did. I held two of my favourite cds in my hand, a Craig David and usher albums, then I pulled the walk-man out my pocket and sat a distance from them.
After a while, because I was looking down, I saw a shadow approaching where I sat.
“Hi” he said to me.
“Hello” I answered back, as I removed the plugs from my ear.
“Do u want a beer, my friends and I have some beer” he said.
“No thank you” I said.
” Or do u smoke ?”
“No I don’t smoke, I would rather drink than smoke” I said.
” I’m Robert and you ?” He asked.
“I’m Jamal” I answered back and we shook hands. We chatted for awhile and then I went back to listening to my music. He said he used to see me around and he knows me, he told me where I stayed and described my mum and I still didn’t recognise him, he even told me the name of the school I went to, the colour of my uniform, what time I got up and what time I got back from school.
He was talk and dark and he played football. He smelled of sweat anytime he was close to me. He had really big legs, muscle built legs.
Anytime I went out to buy something or coming back to school, I would sometimes meet him and he always smelled of dried sweat. He loved footballs so he always played and probably forgot to wash up afterwards.
I started that Felix didn’t love me just as much as, it was just s*x, s*x at odd hours of the night, my mother might or might not have known that I sneak out at odd hours of the night but the estate had security men go around and I have been hassled once or twice before, at the time I was really an introvert, I stayed in an estate for almost 10 years and I had no friends in the estate and and the security men hardly know me unlike the other boys that were in the estate, so even when I told them who I was and where I stayed, they still saw me as an intruder and that meant more disgrace; un else I met someone that was reasonable enough to escort to the door of my flat.
It seemed to me like the relationship that I thought would last was going thinner by the day; and I don’t know if its because I knew he would travel soon or other wise but I honestly couldn’t help the way I felt.
At night as usual, but today unexpectedly and without plan, he called me and then again he lit that switch again and I lit up like a sky on the forth of july; I lit up like a sky filled with fire works; and like a puppet, he controlled my steps to the back door of his house once again and we walked in the dark to his room and this time , I became acquainted with the dark and I became free in it.