Story: Man Wey Dey Reason - Season 1 Episode 23

5 years ago

We got home to meet a full house. Including MOG
We took our bath and we were off to watch football. On our way, we met Snoop. Not Snoop alone, but Snoop and a lady.

“Snoop how far?” I shook hands with Snoop. “how una rice and beans job today?” Snoop asked. “Snoop u dey mad oh, why u dey talk rice and beans for where dis fine girl dey, u want make she know the kind job wey we dey do?” I almost said. Well, maybe she would assume we were dealers of rice and beans, or maybe not.

“rice and beans business make sense oh, u know say na only us be the number one dealers of rice and beans for dis town, e no easy for us oh” Man tried to cover up to impress the beautiful lady. I almost laughed.

“shey dem Tupac dey house?” Snoop asked, “ehnn dem dey house” Brainbox replied.

I knew why Snoop asked that, he wanted to know if their room would be free for him to have a q’iuckie with the Lady. Or so i tot.

Too bad!! Tupac was in the room with a Lady.

While we were returning from work, we saw Tupac entered the compound with a Lady, and from the look of things, it seemed the Lady came for Mbonchi.

Mbonchi was a slang we said back then reffering to when a Lady came to pass a night in a guy’s place. Ubochi can literary be translated to mean Day break. But i wondered where the “M” and the “N” came from.

So it meant “no show” for Snoop, unless of course he wanted to have s’ex with the Lady in our room with seven guys present.

That was impossible, or so i tot.

We came back after watching the football match, of which MAN U drew 1-1.

“oooh! Snoop i like ur friends, they are very funny” the Lady said after Brainbox gave a punchline. Brainbox would automatically turn a comedian once he was around a Lady.

Brainbox could even be funnier than Basketmouth the comedian, only if his audience were all Ladies.

Brainbox continued making the Lady laugh, although i contributed a bit of my laughter to him, “so that him comedy career no go just die like that” because his jokes were dry to me.

Suddenly the Lady i later got to know her name was Jane said, “Snoop darling, i will pass a night with you”. She said it with a “sexy” voice, and not very loud, so i tot she wasn’t serious.

Joke of the century.

Maybe Snoop told her he stayed alone. Why na?

Mbonchi 101.

“u stay in this compound?” Jane suddenly asked Brainbox the comedian, and i instantly realized why she wanted to pass the night, she tot we were all visitors in Snoop’s room. “na him room be dis na, na all of us dey stay this room na” I almost said.

Her question gave the room a graveyard silence.

I saw Snoop sweating profusely. Sweat of “yawa”. Yawa don gas.

But why would guys like lying to Ladies that they own heaven and earth when they own nothing? I don’t belong to the school of tot that believes a Lady would fall for you because of what you have or what you do for a living. Even if i was a proffesional kpokponist, i wouldn’t lie to a Lady that i was a proffesional Journalist. Afterall, they say: “love me, love my dogs”.

But why would Snoop tell Jane he was the only occupant of the room? A room he never contributed a dime for the house rent.

Or was he reffering to Tupac and Bigie’s room?

That was the beginning of our woes. All thanks to Snoop.

Pkc came in after seeing MOG off and whispered to my ears, “who is she?”, “na Snoop junior sister, she go sleep here today” I whispered back to Pkc.
It was bed time.

The sleeping formation was 3-2-2. Lucky enough, Tega didn’t sleep at home that night, only God knew where he slept.

The 3-2-2 formation made up of Baba jay, Man and Pkc on the mattress by the right, Snoop and his sister from another mother was on the mattress by the left. While I and Brainbox slept in between both mattresses on the Floor. I wondered why Snoop gave a space in between both mattresses. Maybe he never wanted those lying on the other bed to roll over to their side.

Although i slept on the Floor, i had a sweet dream. I think i ate Fried rice and Chicken in the dream. A food that had been long i ate last.

I was eating the Fried rice and Chicken washing it down with a bottle of Udeme, when a noise brought be back to reality, “kai so na dream” i tot.

I initially tot it was Pkc with his usual mid night prayers.

The noise was coming from the left side of the room. Where Snoop and Jane slept.

It wasn’t an ordinary noise, someone was m0an!ng.

They were having a silent q’ickie.

The noise wasn’t that loud enough to wake everyone up, but it was loud enough to wake me up because i was lying close to them.

“Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuu! Fuuuuuu!” Snoop was p’umping Jane, and it made a noise like the noise a ballon that was inflated would make.

I was enjoying the pleasant noise, but i needed more than just hearing so i opened my eyes to see that Snoop was on top and Jane was below. They looked like two dogs having s’ex.

They were so close that if i stretched my hand, it would touch Jane’s B”reast.

I needed more than just hearing and seeing. I needed my piece of the action. I needed to touch. I needed to complete the Five senses. Hearing, seeing, touching, smelling, and if the need be tasting.

I rolled over and pretended i was unconcious, as i did that, i stretched my hand to see if i could touch Jane’s over ripe B”reast.

Omoh! My hand no reach oh.

It seemed Snoop knew what i was up to so he put on the torch light and beamed the light to see if everybody was sleeping.

He confirmed everybody was sleeping, including me. because as he beamed the light on my eyes i caught sleep instanta. Or partial sleep.

I woke up from partial sleep to continue watching my late night movie. A movie Snoop was playing the lead role. He was indeed playing the lead role as i could see him sweating profusely.

My eyes were wide open when all of a sudden, power was restored(NEPA bring light, for those of una wey no dey understand English). The light really blurred my eyes.

The 60watt bulb that hung on our ceiling came alive giving the room a glow.

I could see clearly.

“NEPA una get sense jor” i tot. Not until Snoop stood up to switch off the light.

As the light went off, i mistakenly said, “ooooooooh!!”.

Snoop beamed the torch light again to my eyes, and i caught partial sleep again. It seemed he was aware i was watching them. He was aware i wasn’t asleep.

“Snoop darling, why don’t we go to the bathroom to continue, it seems one of ur friend is watching us, am not confortable with that” Jane said suddenly.

“Snoop, say NO, Snoop, say NO” I was wishing Snoop would say NO to Jane’s suggestion.

“ok darling lets go” Snoop agreed.

“Snoop u be Mumu oh, see as woman dey control u” I cursed within me.

Legend has it that S’ex is better enjoyed while taking a shower.

Since we had a Shower in the bathroom. And the Shower only worked when there was Electricity supply, because that was only when our “standby” borehole starts pumping water.

What it meant was that Snoop and Jane were headed for S’ex in the Shower.

And i was headed for “Flatscreen”.

I glanced at the wall clock, it was 1:30am.

1:30am and i was still awake.

Even if i tried sleeping, i wouldn’t wink a sleep because i had murdered sleep.
The next morning as we were preparing for work, Tega came in.

He came with so many goodies.

Ranging from Fruit juice to meat pie to Ice cream, to Suya.

“Tega where you bring all this things from na?” Brainbox asked as we were munching the huge meat pie. “na thief i thief am” Tega answered him perfectly.

The best answer to such f’oolish question.

We took a pack of the Fruit juice with us and we were off to work.

As we came out of the compound, We met Tupac with a Lady, the same lady that came for Mbonchi the previous day.

On seeing us, Tupac left the Lady and came to us saying, “guys make una help me with 500naira make i complete the money wey i wan give dis girl for transport, she dey go back Akwa”. “i no get money” Brainbox said at the top of his voice. “i no get money” Man also said.

“Flow, u nkor?” Tupac asked. I wanted to say “i no get money” also, but i had money with me and there was no need lying. And it was best i saved a friend in need.

“take, u go give me back oh” I offered Tupac 500naira. “thank you, if u come back from work, i go give u” Tupac assured.
I wondered what he would have done had he not met us.

Tupac wasn’t working, Bigie also wasn’t working. Sorry, Bigie was a professional pick pocket, an expert in pilfering and a professor of looting, that was his job. But what was Tupac’s Job? Was my question.

How he managed to fort the bills of his numerous girlfriends marvelled me.

I promised myself i would find out more about Tupac.

We suddenly saw Solid Block industry truck drove towards us. The same block Industry Kate entered the other day.

“guys make we Tamoh this truck na” I suggested to my guys. “wetin be Tamoh?” Man asked me.

“when we reach there u go know” I answered him the way he loved answering such important question, and Brainbox laughed.

I knew Brainbox understood what Tamoh meant because he grew up partly in Lagos.

Tamoh was a Lagos slang that meant to hang on a moving vehicle. It should be Yoruba.

I ran very fast after the truck and hung with a perfect dexterity, Brainbox followed. On seeing us, Man understood what Tamoh meant, so he joined us.

The truck driver knew us so he held his peace.

The three of us hung on the truck like the picture perfect touts we were.

As the truck increased speed, i was wondering what would happen if one of us fell off.

I assured myself that that couldn’t happen. Since we were kponkponist, it shouldn’t be difficult to clung to a moving truck, so i tot.

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Story: Man Wey Dey Reason - Season 1 Episode 22

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Story: Man Wey Dey Reason - Season 1 Episode 24

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