Story: Man Wey Dey Reason - Season 1 Episode 18

8 years ago

Story: Man Wey Dey Reason - Season 1 Episode 18

I was hearing heavy b”anging at the doors of Kate and Papa Ejima. The robbers were much.

They were much, but only two of them entered our room. They looked more like masquerades with the black mask on their faces. Their torch light gave the room a glow, as if the Moon was in our room. The name of one of them was MOPO, while the name of the other one was MOPO. Maybe that was their code name, or maybe not.

Maybe it meant Mobile Police. Or maybe it was an acronym for “Mobile Oleh and Pilferers Organisation”.

“if i catch any of una look up ehnn” One of the MOPO warned. As i lay facing the floor, i was dancing “Makossa” to the “drum beats” Baba jay’s non stop fart was playing.

I wasn’t the only one dancing Makossa, we were all dancing in fear as we lay facing the floor.

“common! Stop to dey mess!! before i use dis gun shot your n’yash” MOPO yelled hiting Baba jay on the a”ss with the flat side of a cutlass. The fart stopped, but we were still dancing. Shaking as if we were having s’ex with the floor.

“where una money dey?” MOPO yelled, “oga MOPO, we be poor boys, we no get money oh” Man said.
“we know say una no get money, we no come for una sef, we come for another thing” MOPO said. Only God knew what he was talking of.

“ok, who get dis watch and necklace” MOPO was talking of the watch and necklace on the table, “na dis boy here, him name na Tega” Snoop said, “u dey mad! Oga MOPO no be my own oh, na him own” Tega refused ownership of his properties, “na your own! na your own! Na your own jor!” was the argument that ensued between Tega and Snoop. “shut up!!” MOPO brought the argument to a stop.

“MOPO dem cook better soup with plenty meat oh, Eba even dey sef” the other MOPO informed his friend. “ehen, bring am make we chop na” the other MOPO replied. He was talking of the Eba we kept for Pkc, incase he returned.

Talking of Pkc, he was hardly around when trouble came. Or was God watching over “His own” Pkc. I too could be reffered to as “His own”, His own that had gone astray, like the lost sheep. Or so i tot

“MOPO! Them dis guys get fine fine shoe oh” MOPO informed his friend. “pack all the shoe na!” the other MOPO commanded. “wetin we go dey wear na” i almost said, as i heard MOPO bagging our shoes.

“u dey look our face abi? Stand up!! You!!” i tot the MOPO was talking to me. He was actually talking to Man.

“pack all una phone put for nylon, and give me” MOPO said to Man after giving him a deafening slap. “wetin be ur name sef?” the other MOPO asked Man. “my name na MAN, my papa name na WEY DEY REASON” Man said. Maybe the slap had turned his brain up side down, maybe.

On hearing how Man introduced himself, i mistakenly laughed, “who laugh?” MOPO queried. “na dis boy laugh” Man tapped me.

At that moment, i felt poo running down my bowel, “i don die today” i tot. “stand up!!” MOPO ordered. As i stood up, i heard, “gboooooaaaaaar!!” it was a gunshot, i tot i had been shot. I felt my heart fall off my chest. The next noise i heard was someome crying bitterly, that was when i realized i wasn’t the one shot. It was someone else, someone not even in our room.

“MOPO!! MOPO!! We don kill am, make we dey go” i heard a voice outside informing the two MOPO in our room, and they quickly left.

What i couldn’t tell, was who they had killed.
For 30minutes, we continued having s’ex with the floor, i even had a h’ard on.

The person the robbers shot was still crying bitterly in distress, his/her voice was gradually diminishing, as if He not She was crying the last cry of life. “He” because it was a male voice. But who could it be?

“Flow! Flow!!” i heard Bigie called from outside. “Flow! Brainbox!! Make una come out, dem don go” i heard Tupac’s voice. I was convinced it wasn’t Tupac neither was it Bigie that was shot.

We came outside to meet a friend called “Mayhem”.

Mayhelm everywhere, “make una help oh!!” i heard a voice cried from the gate side, where Haruna’s cubicle was. “help oh!! Help me oh Chief is dying, Help oh!” Kate ran out of her room shouting. We divided ourselves. I, Brainbox and Man headed for Haruna’s house, while the rest went into Kate’s room to see what went wrong.

We got to Haruna’s room to meet a funny scene. Very funny!!

Haruna was tied to his wife with a rope. They were tied facing each other as if they were having s’ex, and Haruna was fitgety as if he was giving it real hard to his wife. I couldn’t help but laughed. “u dey laugh abi? Abeg make una lose dis rope comot for my body make i go shot those thief with my arrow” Haruna said. “why you no shot dem when dem dey tie you rope, na now wey dem don go u wan shot dem arrow?” Man said.

As Brainbox and Man was untying Haruna and Nkiru, i saw something on the floor, it looked like a roll of money.

Yes! It was money, i quickly picked it and pretended as if nothing happened. I was happy i would have the whole money to myself since nobody saw me picking it, so i tot.

After we had left Haruna’s room, immediately we stepped out, i saw what made me paused. My heart also paused.

Chief was carried outside, the same Chief that gave us money the other day. He was so f’at that Snoop, Bigie, Tupac, Tega and Kate was finding it difficult to carry him. He had been shot in the chest. A big hole was in his chest.

Althrough my school years, i had been seeing people shot in the leg or arm. But, that was the first time i saw someone shot in the chest. Omoh! No be film trick oh! No be super story! Na real.

My dirty mind swayed to something dangling in between Chief’s Boxers. His d’ick and his s’crotum was very big as if he had Elephantiasis of the s’crotum. It seemed he was about having s’ex with Kate when the robbers or rather the Killers came. His d’ick was rock hard. As if it was saying, “give me kpormoh! I want kpormoh!”. I wanted to laugh, but i dared not, because that was the wrong time to laugh. So i smiled.

I swayed my mind to the “kpormoh” area. The W shape in between Kate’s leg. The leggings she was wearing revealed the shape of her fleshy Honey well. My d’ick responded to the stimuli. Mehn! I felt droplets of something coming out of my p”enis, as if i was having premature e”jaculation.

“make una put am for motor” Man who was already at the drivers seat of Chief’s big Jeep said.

They all managed to enter the Jeep except I and Brainbox.

“why you dey smile?” Brainbox asked me, “no oh, i no dey smile, naso my face dey be if i wan cry” I responded changing my face gloomy.

“where the money wey u pick for Haruna room” Brainbox said as we got close to our room.

Oh my God!! How come he saw me picked the money. Maybe he had an invisible eye behind his head. BRAINBOX!!!

Darkness gradually turned to light.

After i gave Brainbox his share of the Money. I suddenly heard someone crying in Papa Ejima’s room. I and Brainbow rushed in to meet Mama Ejima crying.

“what happen na?” I asked Papa Ejima who wore a gloomy face. “abi u don use blow finish ur wife face? Ehnn Mr Mike tyson?” I almost said to him.

“MOPO beat my Mummy” Daniel replied. “how MOPO go beat your Mummy, wey ur Daddy wey be Boxer dey here, abi MOPO use that cane wey dey for center of him two leg take flog ur Mummy?” I almost told Daniel.

“MOPO was doing like dis on top of my Mummy” David said demonstrating what i interpreted as F”ucking. His Mummy had been F”ucked or rather r”aped by MOPO. Gallant MOPO.

“but dis MOPO dem wicked oh, see as dem r”ape dis fine woman, and her children dey look as dem dey r”ape their Mama, chei!! And i dey die for Mama Ejima oh” I tot.

I looked at Papa Ejima with pity and said, “shebi u wan kill Brainbox with heavy blow because him look your wife as she dey baf, why you no blow them the MOPO?” I never said that oh!!, my mind said it, i wan die? Unless i was Mohammed Ali that could stand the killer Punch of Papa Ejima.

“Mama Ejima, stop to dey cry, naso God want am” Brainbox consoled. What a way to console a r”ape Victim. I never knew my “condolence” would be worse than that of Brainbox.

“Mama Ejima, no cry. God wey put that kpormor there, no talk say na only Papa Ejima go dey chop am, sometimes e dey good make another person chop small of the kpormor” I couldn’t tell the kind of Devil that brought those words out of my mouth.

Before i finished saying the r’ubbish, Papa Ejima chased I and Brainbox out of his house.

As we ran outside with so great a speed, i accidentally hit my leg on a stone on the floor.

And i fell.

“God pls! If Papa Ejima go blow me, make e no be for my chest, make e be for my face. No, make e no be for my face, make e be for my leg” I was praying to God as i lay with my face to the ground. How on earth would Papa Ejima find nowhere perfect enough to give me a punch but my leg. Was that possible?

I turned to see if Papa Ejima was still chasing us. He had since stopped and had gone back to his room to nurse his wound. The wound that his ‘beloved wife” had been r”aped.

I thanked my stars.
U’gly events were unfolding like Domino effect.

Our world was gradually crashing, so i tot

Man and the rest came back with the Jeep, without Chief.

Chief had kicked the bucket.

The other guys wore gloomy faces, but Kate was crying.

She had lost her Lover.

“but who go kill this good man na?” i asked myself. Maybe one of his political opponents wanted him dead. Maybe he had stepped on toes. But one question i felt like asking was why Chief came alone without his bodyguards. If only the dead could speak.

Kate was almost crying her eyes out, so i went to hold her, to give her my shoulders to cry on. As i held her close to my body, a tingling s£nsat!on ran from my head to my John thomas.

A s£nsat!on i was enjoying. So i gradually moved my hand to her a”ss, i knew she wouldn’t complain, so i f’ondled it. Mehn! It was soft, and it bounced like a ballon. A fully inflated ballon.

“Kate don’t cry again, God gives and God takes” I consoled with my hand still on her a”ss. As if it was her a”ss i was consoling not her.

I tot nobody saw my hand behind. I was wrong, the ever sharp Brainbox say it and winked at me. I winked back.

Just when we said we had drank Wahala to Stupor, wahala came.

“if una no buy my fowl back before tomorrow, all of una go run mad” Haruna who just walked in threatened.

Empty threat. Or so i tot.

Not until he brought out fetish feathers stained with blood.

“Una see dis feather, na the feather of the Fowl wey una chop. I don carry am go Babalawo place, him say if una no confess before tomorrow, all of una go run mad” Haruna threatened.

This time i was convinced it wasn’t an empty threat, but a full threat.

I was ready to confess instantly, but the problem was that was my friends ready to confess?