“brother Ugo, you will be preaching in the next room we enter” MOG said. “ok! no problem, the Lord is my strength” I replied.
The Lord is my strength indeed, because i knew it wouldn’t be easy.
As we entered a hostel, i could percieve weed. Definately, people were smoking somewhere.
“knock at this door” MOG commanded me to knock at the door of the room i suspected as the room the smell of weed emanated from, “but MOG, dis is the room the smell of weed is coming out from, they must be smoking weed inside, why don’t we knock at the next room? I suggested.
“O yee man of Little faith” MOG quoted the Bible reffering that i had little faith.
I agree, i had little faith, but had he forgotten the same Bible said, “render to Ceasar what is for Ceasar, and to God what is for God”. So he should let the Igboh smokers be. I could bet my life that we wouldn’t win the souls of the people smoking weed inside, even if they were babies.
“o yee man of Little faith, don’t you know it will be easier to win the Souls of the people smoking? Don’t u know we are children of God and we shouldn’t fear?” MOG said and knocked.
Legend has it that whenever a weed smoker is smoking, his physical ears is shut while his spiritual ears is opened to listen to spiritual inspiration.
We entered and met two hefty guys smoking “igboh”. MOG beckoned on me to start preaching.
“praise the Lord!!” i said, “igboh is sweat!!” they both responded, “the Lord is Good!!” I and MOG chorused, “sweat igboh!!” they responded. Despite their “worldly” response, i still continued with my preaching.
I preached and preached, jumping from one topic to another, quoting wrong scriptures, fidgety at what the igboh smokers might do if i spoke about how bad it was to smoke.
I finally entered the topic saying, “u see my brothers, it is not good to smoke, apart from the fact that it is bad medically, scripturally it is bad too”. “Brother Ugo, show them the verse in the Bible that says we shouldn’t smoke” MOG landed me in trouble, “ehn ehn ehn open to Gene…….., John……….,” i stammered and coughed mixing the book of Genesis with the book of John. “but MOG if u know am, u for tell us na, why u want make i fall my hand” i tot.
I preached and preached leaving the scripture aspect for God knows who. But these guys were still smoking. “una no dey fear God oh, i dey preach for una, una dey smoke Igboh, una dey mad oh” i dared not say that.
As an Igboh smoker, i could tell when someone smoking was at his/her peak. These guys were at their peak. So it was time to go, before “water pass garri”, “let us pray” I said. As i was about saying the closing prayer one of the guys stood up and came close to me saying, “Oga pastor take igboh smoke na”, he was offering me weed.
“No!! i don’t smoke, i am a Man of God” I refused. “chei! If to say MOG no dey here, i for smoke dis igboh oh, e be like say the igboh go sweat oh” i tot.
“u must smoke am oh” the other guy said standing up. “i say u must smoke am oh” the first guy said bringing the weed close to my mouth.
Before i could say Jack Robinson, one of the guys smashed a bottle on the floor, “i go chok u dis bottle if u no smoke dis Igboh” he threatened.
I cried bitterly.
I turned left and MOG had fled, leaving me to carry my cross alone.
“Aro, dis guy must smoke dis igboh oh” one of the guys said to the other.
I now realized they were my brothers. My Aro brothers.
“Aro mate, elele ti elele, wosky sons of Odin rugged una oh” i greeted them. “so u be bagger nahim u come dey do like jew man” one of them said and Anchored me.
I hurriedly smoked the weed they offered me and rushed out to meet MOG.
“they didn’t harm you? Thank God oh” MOG said, “so naso u for run leave me and them for kill me abi?” i tot.
We continued walking looking for where next to settle and preach, “lets enter that boutique” MOG suggested pointing to a Male boutique.
We entered the boutique to meet an angel in human flesh, a beautiful lady.
“Good day Pastors” she said beckoning for us to seat down, “what may i offer u?” she asked, “water!! just water” MOG replied. Within a twinkle of an eye, she brought two bottle water. She was so hospitable that i concluded she owned the place.
MOG started preaching to her, quoting Bible passages off hand.
The igboh i smoked was gradually turning my head up side down that to everything MOG said i responded with Amen. Even when he said, “this ur boutique is beautiful”, “Amen!!” I responded and the Lady stared at me in a strange way, as if i was mad.
Yes! I was mad, mad for Christ, inspired by igboh, or so i tot.
As MOG preached, he began to catch prophesies, he said, “sister, u are waiting on the Lord for a husband, am i right?” “u are right pastor” she replied, “the Lord said i should tell you that this year u will get married” MOG spoke out the Rhema, “Amen!!” the lady caught the rhema. “Amen!” I also said, as if the prophesy was for me.
“but if u must get Married, u must sow a seed” MOG said, “i will do anything” the lady assured, “u will do anything ehn?” MOG said.
Something in me told me MOG was gradually turning the Bible to a gun he would use to rob the lady, “bring this, this, this, this and this as a seed to the Lord” MOG pointed at five colourful shirts. I was right, he had started his robbery. “ok Pastor” the Lady said removing the shirts from their hangers and bagging them. “bring this and this also” MOG the spiritual robber said pointing at two black trousers. The Lady bagged them all and MOG said, “now lemme pray for you”.
He barely had started praying when i heard, “returning those clothes to her”. I initially tot it was the Voice of God. “i say make u return those clothes to my sister” the voice said again, this time i was sure it wasn’t the Voice of God so i opened my eyes and saw a thick beard guy. MOG fumbled as he gave the clothes back to the lady.
The guy brought out a dagger and said, “i go chok una if una no leave this shop now”.
MOG was the first to run out and i followed with a great speed, say 20km/sec. The guy ran after us with so much speed that he was getting closer to me.
I increased my speed to 30km/sec, wishing i had a third leg. As for MOG, he ran so fast that he mistakenly dropped his Bible to the ground. Like “James hardly chase”, he was really hard to chase.
The guy stopped chasing us because he was tired and I thanked God Almighty because I too was tired.
Since that day i vowed never to go preaching with the lily livered MOG.
Monday came bringing the thoughts of kponkpon.
“Madam say after today we go wait till next week before we go come work again, say her pekin we dey abroad never send money wey we go use continue the work” Man said as we walked to work that morning, “but why she talk like that na?” I asked, “when we reach there make u ask her” No one said that but Man, Man wey dey reason.
“that mean say we need to dey look for where we go dey work till Madam Ifeoma call us back” Brainbox said, “no worry tomorrow i go carry una go one place, them dey call am Nekede Exclusive garden, work plenty there” Man promised.
As work was in progress, i noticed Madam Ifeoma was staring at me althrough, “make dis woman no dey put eye for my work na, abi she think say i dey cheat?” I tot.
Yes, her eyes were on me, not in suspicion but in s’eduction.
After about two hours of tiring kponkpon, she said, “Flow i want to see u at Old solja’s house now!”.
“Flow wetin u do na?” I heard Brainbox said, “i no know oh” I replied, “when you reach there u go know” Man used his usual words.
“abi she wan tell me say make i stop to dey work for her site? Abi she wan tell me say i no sabi work? Wetin i do na?” I was lost in my tots as i walked to Old solja’s house.
I got to Old solja’s shanty house, and the whole place was deserted, then i heard, “come in Flow, am here” Madam Ifeoma said from inside, “why dis woman say make i come in, abi she wan use me do b’lood money?” I tot as i walked into Old solja’s room. “hey! Sweaty Flow, come seat by my side” She said, “make i come seat by ur side, for wetin na? Abi kponkpon dey by ur side?” I almost said.
“i want you to make love to me here” She said bringing her hands close to my John thomas. “and if i don’t?” i thought i said that in my mind, unfortunately i spoke it out. “if u don’t, first of all u will lose ur job, and i will screem that you want to r’ape me here, and u known how the people of this place handles boys that r’apes, they will lynch you to death” Madam Ifeoma threatened and grabbed my John thomas, “yeeeh, my p’rick oh, she wan cut my prick for money ritual oh, Old solja help me oh” i almost shouted, even if i did, nobody would come to my rescue because Old solja lived alone and he wasn’t around.
“but am dirty na, and i don’t have a C’ondom” I complained to her who was already taking off my kponkpon attire. “don’t worry i have c’ondoms in my bag, and i don’t mind that u are dirty” She said pushing me to Old solja’s bed that smelt like s’kunk.
“mhnnnnn!! Who mess?” i almost said, oweing to the fact that Old solja’s bed smelt as if someone had f’art.
I made love to the Old lady as if i was under duress to do so.
Though it was sweat sha!!!.
I rammed in and out of her extra large Honey well that was drowning my J’ohn thomas. As i rammed in and out, i felt sorry for myself that i was having s’ex with a woman old enough to be my mum.
Mehn! She was enjoying the sweat s£nsat!on my J’ohn thomas sent, i was also enjoying the swimming my J’ohn thomas swam in her poolsize Honey well.
That would be the first and last time i would have s’ex with her, even if she put a gun to my head, i promised myself. A promised i was sure would fail.