Must Read: Adventures Of A Bad

Episode 7 years ago

Must Read: Adventures Of A Bad

That night, while sleeping, I had this weird dream where Wale was pursuing me with a gun and some guys and Tiwa was running after us begging him to leave me. As I was running, another guy stopped me and grabbed my arm.

Immediately he held me, one of the other guys came and gave me some light slaps on my face and as I received the fourth slap which was kinda harder, I woke up and found Bayo sitting on my bed slapping me to wake up.

Immediately I saw him, I was relieved that it was only a dream and I smiled broadly

Bayo: why are you smiling?

Me: na why you wake me be that?

Bayo: no… na concerning that sturv wey we talk yesterday. I don follow my boys talk, dem say make we arrange the guy brain later for evening. When school dey calm.

Me: *sacred* shey dem no go catch us?

Bayo: dem dey catch breeze?

Me: oyaaaaaa….. don Bayo….

Bayo: I be capon, I no be don

Me: na you be capon for there?

Bayo: ehn na… abi why I con dey call them my boys

Me: badoski…… omoh….. wetin be time sef?

Bayo: na after eleven we dey

Me: I don too sllep oooo

Bayo: you get wetin you wan do?

Me: ehn na… I wan go visit Tiwa for her house

Bayo: where?

Me: for Lekki, phase one

Bayo: you know say you nor know Lagos, make dem no go kidnap you ooo…

Me: okay sir

Bayo: oya stand up dey prepare na…. time don go already

Me: aiit…. Thanks for waking me
I stood up, went and brushed my teeth and had my bath, then went to food village (that’s where food is sold in my school) and ate since I didn’t have time to start cooking. After eating, I went back to my room to spray perfume and pick my wallet and condom. I saw Wale sitting on his bed. I went to meet him and started a conversation with the aim of apologizing, as the dream was still ringing in my head.

Me: egbon

Wale: how fa…. Where you off to?

Me: going to see a friend of mine

Wale: enhe….. girl abi?

Me: no, it’s a boy

Wale: if you like

Me: egbon, am sorry for yesterday, I didn’t mean all I said, I just spoke out of anger and frustration bro.

Wale: no wahala, I don’t hold any grudges against you

Me: na lie, if not, why haven’t you talked to me since yesterday?

Wale: you came into the room, stinking of alcohol and taking to you in that state, wont make things any better and besides, I knew you were still angry

Me: okay, that’s true, just had to drink to drown my frustration

Wale: I know, I also was wrong in saying you’re a disgrace to priesthood, I’m not supposed to judge you. Am sorry

Me: okay… we’ll see later… am off egbon. Thanks once again

Wale: no problem jare…. E dey happen, na quarrel dey bring friends closer
I stood up, grabbed my wallet, a pack of condom from my wardrobe and left the room.

I went straight to the skye bank, near my hostel and withdrew N4000 from the atm since I wasn’t sure what the transportation would cost. I left the school and headed to the bus stop where I took a bus heading for obalende.

I gave Tiwa a call that am coming and she sounded very happy on the phone. It was about 30 minutes’ drive to obalende. When I alighted the bus, I looked around and looked for where I’ll take jakande-lekki bus but didn’t see any conductor shouting “jakande or lekki” I walked up a shabbily dressed guy, I guess a conductor and greeted him. He was holding a sachet of snapps in his hand

Me: egbon, eku ise ooo…

Guy: enhe…. Egbon, bawo
My Yoruba wasn’t very polished yet then like it is now, so I spoke English in phonetics intonation

Me: I’m fine sire… please am am looking for where I can board a bus going to jakande-lekki

Guy: mi oo gbo nko ti’ en so

Me: *slowly* m – m – mo’ n lo lekki, ni – bo ni ma ri bus sir?

Guy: e ma cross lo si the other side, war i awon agbero to n kpariwo jak-ande lekki…

Me: okay sir oshe gaan sir *bowing my head and touching my knee with one hand*

I crossed to the other side and just as he said, I saw a guy screaming “jakande, lekki, jakande, lekki” but I didn’t see any bus
there. I walked up to the guy

Me: oga mi, well done oo… abeg wey the bus wey dey go lekki

Agbero: guy, wait for here, them dey come, but if them don come, you need hurry ooo

Me: why?

Agbero: police no dey allow them wait

Me: okaaaayyyy…. *shaking my head* no wahala, oshe gaan oga mi

Agbero: shey, omo Yoruba ni e?

Me: noo… mi o se omo yoruba oo…

He turned around and kept shouting what he was shouting before I disturbed him.

I lookedaround and noticed there were some police men there in their annoying uniform.

I hate Nigerian Policemen like mad>. I waited a little standing beside the agber and the agbero tapped me on my shoulder saying “oya bros, the bus don dey come ooo… na im dey come so..

The bus came truly with the conductor hanging and screaming “Jakande-lekki” phase one ni last bus stop ooo… mi o lo phase 2 ooo… phase two ma wole ooo… I didn’t expect the bus to stop so I ran after it and jumped in while it was still in motion. In the process, I hit my head on the roof of the bus. I’ve never entered a moving vehicle before so I wasn’t used to it.

As I hit my head everybody was like… “ ah, sorry ooo… sorry ehn”

I located a vacant seat at the last seat at the far back of the big bus and sat beside a pretty lady.

I sat beside the window on the right while she sat beside me then a young, awkward looking man sat beside her, followed by an old woman who had a basket of fresh tomatoes and pepper on her leg. The girl said sorry and I was like thanks. In about two minutes of sitting down, I started sneezing cos of the peppr and tomatoes. The girl was just like “sorry, sorry, take care” after each sneeze. I said thanks.

After the sneezing seized, I looked at her bag on her leg as she was bringing out money to pay the conductor. I asked how much and the doctor told me. I asked if I could pay for her and she said “no, but if you insist” I said “I insist” and paid for two. I started a discussion

Me: I love your Louis Vuitton bag

She: thanks

Me: how much did you buy it?

She: you want to pay for it too? I’ve already paid when I was buying it?

Me: no nau…. Hahaha…. I wanna buy it for my girlfriend

She: mtchewww….

She sq££zed face for me and in my mind I was like “did I say something wrong?” we didn’t talk again till we reached lekki phase one and I alighted along with others and called Tiwa to remind me the name of the bus stop while I crossed the road using the pedestrian bridge. She reminded me and I located some buses and entered the front of one of them.

I sat at the front intentionally so I can be reminding the driver from time to time not to carry me pass the bus stop. I told him I don’t know the place and he said I shouldn’t worry; he’ll drop me at the right place. In less than five minutes, we reached and I crossed and entered the street beside the filling station she told me. I gave her a call and in a minute I saw her running, or jugging towards me wearing a short that was almost the size of a bum-shot.

She jumped on me and kissed me and people were passing just staring at us. We went to her house and OMG! The house was a mansion.