Adebimpe The Facebook Girl

6 years ago

At 8am, my uncle almost drained the battery
of the phone with
calls. “Where are you?, where are you?”.

At a
point in time, I had
to lie to him that the bus had a flat tire and
the driver stopped over to replace it. The passengers closer to me
were marvelled
by my lies and they opened their mouth wide
at me. A lady
sitting behind me even said it jokingly that
“bros!!, you can lie oooo” and we all laughed it off.

At 8:50am, the bus arrived at ado and I
alighted from the bus.
“How do I print this stuff now oo?”
I looked at the opposite side of the road and I
saw a guy hawking phone accessories in a wheel barrow. I
screamed “eeeehssssss”
and he stopped. I crossed over to meet him
and I told him that I
needed a card reader, he said he doesn’t have
it. Then I thought of it that a USB cable can do the work. I told
him to give me a
USB cable for blackberry since it also works for
android phones.
He said it cost 250naira and I paid him after
collecting the cable. I asked from people around on where I could
get a computer
center and I was directed to a shop down the

On getting there, the woman was just opening
the shop and I greeted her.

ME: good morning ma. Please I want to make
a printout.

WOMAN: you have to wait for me to sweep
and clean up the shop
and pray.

ME: haaaaa!!!!, how long will it take to finish all

WOMAN:**holding a broom*** let’s say like 30
minutes sha .

ME: haaaa!!. Please ma, I need to submit this
thing at latest 9:30am or else, I will loose my career. This is
9:03am please.

WOMAN: ** dimmed her eyes and looked at
me** ehn ehn!!!

ME: yes ma.

WOMAN: ok, black printing or coloured?

ME: coloured ma

WOMAN: your money is 300naira per print

ME: haa!!, pls ma, I always do it for 100naira
back in Akure.

WOMAN: here is Ado not Akure, I can only do it
for 200naira last price. If you can’t pay, then you can leave.

ME: **na thunder go fire you. Because you don
see say na
emergency abi?, no be your fault**. Ok ma,
let’s do it

WOMAN: where is your flash drive

ME: I’m printing from phone ma

WOMAN: phone? How?

ME: through USB cable ma.

WOMAN: haaa!!, will it work?, I haven’t done
that before?

Me: it will work. She switched on her system after dropping her
broom outside. I
attached my usb cable to the system and
transferred the stuffs to
her system.
>>Story From =>

Me: pls ma, you will use a thick certificate paper ma, not
ordinary A4 paper.

WoMAN: huuuh. You money is 500naira each

ME: ha ma, but why?

WOMAN: the price is different

ME: but its the same price in Akure ma. Its still
N100 naira

WOMAN: **frowned*** should I use A4 paper
then or you take it
to your akure to do the Printing?

ME: ***phone ringing***, no vex ma, let’s make it 300naira ma, I
beg of you ma. Please have mercy on me.

WOMAN: I will just consider that amount
because I have kids too
and I want them to be successful like you, I will
consider the 350naira last price.

ME: ***picked call*** thanks ma. “sq££ze me”,
Hello segun,
how you dey?, you number has been unreachable

SEGE: I had a flat battery ni. I just charged it

Me: ok, you forgot to give me the card reader

SEGE: oooops!, I didn’t even realized it sha.
How will you do it

ME: well, I purchased a usb cable and used it to
transfer the stuffs. I’m even at the computer centre sef.

SEGE: that’s good. The guy said he has sent the
stuff. Check your
mail box.

ME: ok, thank you, I will.

I checked my mail and downloaded the backpage sent to me. I
transfered it to the system. The woman
printed everything out
and laminate them thereafter. Chaiii, the thing
looks 80% real.

Just that the quality of the ink was lesser than that of the original

ME: woman, how much is my bill?

WOMAN: 1,200naira.

ME: haaa!!, for just 2 print outs?

WOMAN: I thought we have concluded on the price before?

ME: I don’t know its up to this amount
****phone ringing****

WOMAN: let’s calculate it then.

ME: **looked at the phone and saw that it was
my uncle**** don’t worry ma, thank you ***opened my wallet and
gave her
Hello uncle

UNCLE: this boy, what is your problem?, or is it
a crime that I wanted to help you?.

ME: I’m sorry sir, I was just alighting from the
bus sir. I was
about to call you when you called in sir.

UnCLE: ok, from where you are, take a bike to
fajuyi road, call me when you get to the street.

ME: ok sir.

I rushed out of the computer centre and
stopped a bike and it
took me to the address after negotiating on
the price. I got to the street and called him. He came to
meet me few
minutes after the call and took me inside to
meet the chairman.

UNCLE: hi sir, this is my son I was talking about

CHAIRMAN: really?, how are you?

ME: I’m fine sir

CHAIRMAN: please have your seat

ME: thank you sir.

CHAIRMAN: **faced my uncle** Mr badmus, you
can take your leave

UnCLE: ok sir

My heart was beating faster as I sat down on
the seat infront of
him. His face looks scary and I was having this
feelings that he would find out that the credentials with me
wasn’t original.
Chaiii!!, I don enter am today.

CHAIRMAN: **turned to me*** hello young man,
can I meet you?

ME: **chaii, interview don start be that?** erm!!, I am onihaxy, a
chemistry graduate of AAUA,

CHAIRMAN: well, I’m chief durojaye, the CEO of
of company. So what more can I know about

ME: ***fear began to catch me***, I am a
diligent young man,
productive and industrous ……..bla bla bla

CHAIRMAN: ok, your dad had been my staff for
over 10years and
he had been honest, so when I needed a manager for my
supermarket, he recommended you for the
job. So I told him to
invite you based on the trust I have in him.

ME: **bend forward in appreciation*** thank
you sir.

CHAIRMAN: hmmmm but unfortunately, my son
who lives abroad
called me this morning that he would be
relocating to nigeria this
month. So he will be the one to take the

ME: ****felt disappointed and my eyes were
red and soaked****

CHAIRMAN: but because I have already sent for
you, I will fix you
as a P.A to the manager and also a secretary
of my pure water company here in Ado Ekiti. Hope you won’t
mind it?

ME: ****smile suddenly re-appeared on my face
as I grinned out
loud.**** thank you sir.

CHAIRMAN: you are welcome. You should be thanking your dad.
He is an honest and hardworking man.

ME: thank you sir.

CHAiRMAN: so, what grade did you passed out
with at school?

ME: 2.1 sir CHAIRMAN: that’s nice, good boy.

ME: thank you sir.

CHAIRMAN: ***picked his phone and scrolling
through it**** are
you here with your CV?

ME: yes sir

CHAIRMAN: **placed the phone on his ear and
rotating his chair
to and fro in 180 degrees*** “excuse me”. Hello
manager, I will
send someone to you now, he will be the new
secretary and also your P.A. You will give him the bank form and
all the neccesary
forms to fill.

Me: ***i was so joyous on the seat I sat on***

CHAiRMAN: so ehhmmmmm

ME: onihaxy

CHAIRMAN: ok onihaxy, I’m travelling to Lagos
right away, infact,
I ought to have left since, I only delayed it
because I gave you an

ME: thank you sir.

CHAIRMAN: so, drop the photocopies of your
C.V and credentials
with your dad. I will collect it when I return.

ME: ok sir.

CHAiRMAN: so concerning the salary, how much
do you want me to be paying you?

ME: ***smiled with shyness and silent****

CHAIRMAN: ok, you want to do voluntary and
charity work I
guess, then let me be on my way

ME: **smiled** no sir, ok, 50,000

ChAIRMAN: **laughs*** these youths of
nowadays, you loved
money so much. Those days when I started
working, I started
with 85kobo in the 60s

ME: sir, money had value then

CHAIRMAN: ***laughed** ok, I will start with
monthly for now. As time goes on when I
evaluate your
performance, I might increase it.
>>More Story @

ME: **i compared 18k to 30k and I felt its still cool***, ok sir, its

CHAIRMAN: alright. You can go, remember to
submit the copies
of your credentials.

****handed over a
complementary card to me****

here is the address of the water
factory. Go there when
you leave here so that you can start the

ME: thank you sir. ****what is now the essence of all the wahala
sef?, he no even ask of the originals***
I left his office and went to my uncle’s
department to give him
feedback, my uncle told me to wait for him
and he went to meet the chairman, “to appreciate him I guess”. They
both came out of
the office and my uncle followed him to his car
and he drove off.

My uncle returned back to meet me.

ME: thank you so much sir

UnCLE: don’t mention my son. Hope the pure
water job is ok by

ME: yes sir, its ok compared to my job and
salary in akure.

UNCLE: no problem. You can move in with me for now. And when
you save enough money, you can get your own

ME: thank you sir.

UnCLE: I know you are a grown up man, you
should be planning to get married soon and no lady will ever
agree to marry a guy
squatting with his uncle. So I understand that
you will need
privacy and freedom any moment from now.

ME: **smiled**

UncLE: its true my son. I was once a youth like

ME: **smiled***. How about your children sir?

UNCLE: they are all fine. So where are the

ME: I opened my bag and I remembered that I forgot to make
photocopies after the printouts *chaiii,
onihaxy!!!!, this village
people never comot from your back****

UNCLE: where is it now?

ME: ***shy face and voice***, I forgot to make photocopies sir

UnCLE: **yelled***. You this boy!!!, how could you
come for an
interview without coming with the photocopy
of your
credentials?. What if my chairman asked of it earlier, what will
you tell him??, eh!!!!

ME: **dumb***.

UNCLE: anyways, bring the original, I will make
the copies here,
hurry now to where you were sent to go and return here on time.

ME: thank you sir.

I dashed out of the organisation with a big
grin and smile written
all over my face as I stopped a bike to take
me to my destination.


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